It was a beautiful day, and I was gliding down the bright clean…and I mean clean, hallway at Inter-Germ's laboratory (not its real name) located at the California Germ Research Center (not its real name) in San Jose (its real name). Inter-Germ's Laboratory is state-of-the-art in microbe research, and is known for its collection of lethal germs.

Like you I have heard so much babble about dangerous germs, I wanted to investigate for myself. I anticipated seeing the germs that have caused the most suffering and death since the world began, as long as I could see

them . . . safely.

Lucky for me a leading virologist and bacteriologist, Dr. L. Freener, would be my guide.

I was surprised when Dr. L. Freener turned out to be female and attractive with horn-rimmed glasses, and her hair pulled back with just a wisp falling down her forehead. She had a serious but sensual look.

She greeted me with a firm handshake. "We will have to suit-up in our germ-proof self contained air suits. You have used them...?"

"Of course, at the Georgetown Germ Center in Washington." I said, avoiding the fact there probably is no such place.

We suited up in germ-proof suits and descended three levels to the Central Germ Vault. The vault was lighted with ultra-violet, making it look like the laboratory on TV's CSI.. I started to realize I made a mistake coming here, and my faceplate started to fog up.

"Relax." said the doctor. "You are perfectly safe.

We are now at the Central Germ Vault. Notice the bottles of Listerine on our lab tables. That is because Listerine kills germs dead."

Suddenly I wasn't as sure of the science of this place; but I pushed ahead.

"Doctor" I said," You have the three deadliest germs in the world stored here." Could I see them?"

The doctor brightly, "Of course. But first you must know the most important fact about these killers. These three germs, which go under different names...are actually the same germ!"

I was astounded. "All the same!"

"Yes. These germs are all actually the same germ. Two of them kill, and one still developing, just makes you so sick you wish you were dead!"

I peered into the microscope at the germ slides. As an experienced reader of Popular Science, I could tell they were the same germ.

"Tell me doctor, which is which?"

"You have asked the most important question. The germs on the left kill. The germs on the right kill. The germs in the center, make you so sick..."

I nodded for her to continue.

The doctor lowering her voice. " The germs on the left are Communism. The germs on the right are Nazism. The germs in the center are Liberalism -- which when it starts, feels like the flu!"

Later driving across the Bay Bridge, the shock began to wear off. I had discovered something I guess I always knew. That while Nazism and Communism had threatened America's survival, Liberalism, still seemingly benign, had infected much of our country.

I rolled down the window to catch the cold San Francisco Bay air and decided that when I get home I will gargle with Listerine.

© 2007 Tommy Shannon

It was a beautiful day, and I was gliding down the bright clean…and I mean clean, hallway at Inter-Germ's laboratory (not its real name) located at the California Germ Research Center (not its real name) in San Jose (its real name). Inter-Germ's Laboratory is state-of-the-art in microbe research, and is known for its collection of lethal germs.

Like you I have heard so much babble about dangerous germs, I wanted to investigate for myself. I anticipated seeing the germs that have caused the most suffering and death since the world began, as long as I could see

them . . . safely.

Lucky for me a leading virologist and bacteriologist, Dr. L. Freener, would be my guide.

I was surprised when Dr. L. Freener turned out to be female and attractive with horn-rimmed glasses, and her hair pulled back with just a wisp falling down her forehead. She had a serious but sensual look.

She greeted me with a firm handshake. "We will have to suit-up in our germ-proof self contained air suits. You have used them...?"

"Of course, at the Georgetown Germ Center in Washington." I said, avoiding the fact there probably is no such place.

We suited up in germ-proof suits and descended three levels to the Central Germ Vault. The vault was lighted with ultra-violet, making it look like the laboratory on TV's CSI.. I started to realize I made a mistake coming here, and my faceplate started to fog up.

"Relax." said the doctor. "You are perfectly safe.

We are now at the Central Germ Vault. Notice the bottles of Listerine on our lab tables. That is because Listerine kills germs dead."

Suddenly I wasn't as sure of the science of this place; but I pushed ahead.

"Doctor" I said," You have the three deadliest germs in the world stored here." Could I see them?"

The doctor brightly, "Of course. But first you must know the most important fact about these killers. These three germs, which go under different names...are actually the same germ!"

I was astounded. "All the same!"

"Yes. These germs are all actually the same germ. Two of them kill, and one still developing, just makes you so sick you wish you were dead!"

I peered into the microscope at the germ slides. As an experienced reader of Popular Science, I could tell they were the same germ.

"Tell me doctor, which is which?"

"You have asked the most important question. The germs on the left kill. The germs on the right kill. The germs in the center, make you so sick..."

I nodded for her to continue.

The doctor lowering her voice. " The germs on the left are Communism. The germs on the right are Nazism. The germs in the center are Liberalism -- which when it starts, feels like the flu!"

Later driving across the Bay Bridge, the shock began to wear off. I had discovered something I guess I always knew. That while Nazism and Communism had threatened America's survival, Liberalism, still seemingly benign, had infected much of our country.

I rolled down the window to catch the cold San Francisco Bay air and decided that when I get home I will gargle with Listerine.